Creating in the Shadows: Depression and the Loss of Spark

There are many days where I turn on my tablet, open my sketchbook, or stare at my computer screen, and all I see is nothing. Ideas that once sparked joy now feel like distant memories. The pencil feels heavy. The thoughts too tangled.. I tell myself, Just DO something. Even now, just days after I've planned out my little mascots, I can't find the energy, the joy, the spark to get something out. But depression doesn't respond to logic. It wraps its fingers around creativity and slowly squeezes until everything feels still.

If you ever felt this way — paralyzed, numb, or quietly mourning the parts of you that once came alive through art — you're not alone. And you're not broke.

What It Feels Like

Feelin stuck creatively while battling depression can be incredibly isolating. It's not just the absence of idea but the weight of feeling like you should be doing something. You might feel guilt for not creating, frustration for not being able to begin, or sadness over the lost momentum. (like ya gal here planning then not executing...) Every unfinished project becomes a reminder of what you think you're not accomplishing. Even the things you used to love can feel dull or irrelevant. And worst of all, it can feel like no one around you truly understands why it's so hard.

Why It Happens

Depression is more than sadness. It's exhaustion. It's mental fog. It's a heaviness that pulls your thoughts down and dims the parts of you that used to shine. When your brain is in survival mode, creativity often takes a back seat. Then add ADHD paralysis or perfectionism to the mix (like i do...), and your mind feels frozen in place. None of this means you're lazy or incapable. It means your mind is doing its best to survive. You are not broken — you're navigating something deeply difficult, and still breathing through it.

Gentle Ways to Cope

1. Start Small: You don't have to finish a project. Just open the notebook, pull out your supplies, or write one sentence. Usually that will help the momentum going. And if not? That's okay.

2. Switch Mediums: If writing feels impossible, try drawing (even if it's not what you do). If drawing feel overwhelming, try humming a little tune (even if you are tone-deaf). Let yourself experiment without pressure. Let yourself breathe through something else for a moment.

3. Visual Journaling: Draw what you feel instead of what you think you should create. Let colors, shapes, or scribbles speak to you. (At this point, I am in the works of creating a digital download of a visual journal, so stay tuned for that!)

4. Honor the Rest: You are allowed to rest. You don't have to earn it. Set the phone down, set the project down, close your eyes and just breathe, pray, meditate. (If you fall asleep, that's good too.) Even creative soil needs time to fallow.

5. Talk About It: Share your struggle with a trusted friend or fellow creative. Let someone see you in this space. You weren't meant to carry it alone. Even if you've been carrying it alone for years, you weren't meant to.

Some Encouragement

Even if your hands are still, your soul is still stirring. You are still a creative person, even in seasons of stillness. The spark hasn't gone out — it's simply waiting, sheltered beneath layers of pain and exhaustion. You are not failing. You are not falling behind. You are walking through something with more strength than you know. Give yourself permission to heal, to try, to stumble, and to begin again. Gently.

God doesn't ask you to be productive — He asks you to be present. He is with yo in the valley (Psalm 23:4), holding space for your grief, confusion, and stillness. As the Creator, He understands what it means to feel empty before something beautiful is formed. Trust that your creative gifts are not wasted. They are part of your purpose and they will bloom again — in His timing, and with His care.

Until Next Time!
TTFN